Spending a penny

If you come to London for more than a few minutes, the chances are you will want to use the loo, toilet, bathroom, bog, restrooms.

Except we don’t call them ‘bathrooms’. That’s a place where you go for a bath.

Nor is it a ‘restroom’. That’s where you go for a rest.

Toilet, gents or ladies, lavatory, loo… these are acceptable words here. Anything else will get you laughed at. ‘Spending a penny‘ is great. ‘Bog’ is considered to be coarse. ‘Toilet’ is not, actually.

More places are moving from ladies and gents separated to unisex places. If you don’t like that, then too bad.

Our cubicles don’t have gaps at the sides and huge spaces at the bottom. They do provide reasonable privacy.

Public conveniences

There are public toilets in London, but few. Mostly, they cost more than 1p (well, it was old money, 1d). Expect to pay 50p or £1. Covent Garden has some, by the church (do visit the church).

They can be historic places, but mostly they are smelly with dodgy characters and vagrants hanging around. They can be flooded and dirty, despite cleaners being present. We have noticed a slight improvement in recent years.

Many are either blocked up or converted into cocktail bars. The vandalism got too bad.

Railway stations

Most, if not all, London mainline stations have toilets and these nowadays seem to be free. Quality is what you would expect.

Some trains on longer journeys may have a toilet, usually covered in graffiti.

Restaurants, pubs etc

The usual rule for pubs and restaurants is ‘customers only’. You could buy a coke in a pub and then use the loo.

Fast food places and coffee shops sometimes have toilets, but these are usually locked and require a code.

Tubes

No toilet facilities on tubes, or in most stations in the centre. Some stations on the outskirts, often where mainline trains run too, may have toilets with specified opening times (eg rush hour).

Hotels

Most of the larger hotels have toilet facilities somewhere near the foyer, However, there has been a definite increase in security at these places. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

Cinemas etc.

Theatres are usually audience only. The same will be true for smaller cinemas.

Some larger venues eg O2 Arena have public spaces and multiple toilets.

Museums and galleries may have free entry and available toilets throughout.

Large stores

The larger stores eg John Lewis, Selfridges will have toilets, especially if they have coffee bars or restaurants. They may not be on every floor.

Smaller shops will not.

Tourist traps

There are plenty of people who do guides on YouTube or whatever, to all places, not just London, and who talk about “tourist traps”.

We have our ideas of what this means:

  • it’s a place frequented by visitors but rarely by locals
  • people go there because people go there
  • it is heavily advertised in those free glossy magazines you get in hotels, and often there are coupons
  • it’s often visited and promoted by bus tours
  • it’s expensive and ultimately disappointing
  • there are long queues
  • all round the area are dodgy shops and stalls selling food that won’t quite kill you and tacky souvenirs at high prices, including noddy presidents and royals and famous people
  • it’s an area of high crime, especially pick pocketing, and there are many vagrants and beggars

OK, so that’s what we think of. What about in London?

Five things to hate about London

We love this city, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. Here are five things you will come across that are horrible.

Graffiti

It’s everywhere. Find a reasonably flat surface and yes, there’s graffiti. We don’t mean nice, artistic wall murals, it’s just vandalism. On walls, windows, fences, even the ground.

If you come into London by train, especially King’s Cross or Paddington, you will see it everywhere. OK, it’s true in other cities too, but that doesn’t make it right.

And what’s being done to prevent it, or remove it? As far as we can see, nothing. Some parts of London look very neglected. Many people find it threatening.

Vagrants

There have been rough sleepers here as far back as anyone can remember. When COVID-19 hit, many were given places to stay and the problem was not as bad, apparently. Now it’s terrible.

Especially in central London, and The Strand has always been very bad, so many shop entrances have people sleeping in. This is not just boarded up properties. In some cases, the sleepers will be there the next morning when the shop opens.

What do you do about it? Climb over them, I am told. Don’t give them money, if they ask, and if they get aggressive, find police.