Sport

I have never really ‘got’ sport. I understand why it appeals. It’s mindless. Some sports ‘allow’ people to be abusive, violent, racist, drunk and it’s an acceptable excuse to do those things.

At school we played rugby something. No-one ever explained the rules, so it’s very hard to enjoy something if you don’t know what is going on. In the summer it was cricket. For a time, when I was maybe 10, I followed football a bit. Scarborough Town. Don’t think they exist any more.

I do understand darts, if you can call that a sport. Throw things at a target and get points. And snooker. Actually, watching snooker on tv used to be great as Ted Lowe had a soothing voice that sent you to sleep, but the current commentators talk all the time and very loudly and say nothing. One snooker ball is much like an other, except for the colour, and it’s all fancy potting and very little of what the game name implies, snookers (ie tactical play). And the current players lack personality. Too much money in the game, I suppose.

I get golf too – hit a ball with the stick.

The worst is formula 1 racing. You’d think it was about drivers driving cars quickly to see who is the fastest, but it now seems to be about the colour of the tyres they have. I know someone who loved it and went whenever she could. More than 15 years ago she was paying nearly £100 per person for the British grand prix. I asked what she saw. The cars zoom past, apparently, but you can watch them on a big screen!

I guess Wimbledon starts soon. There is all the clamour for tickets for the main courts, to see the British player, hey let’s not be jingoist, but then they all go off and the place is empty.

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